I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
