ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
