if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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