Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I puked a lego.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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