i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
