When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
God I need to hump something, right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
