He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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