Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
