Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
