I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
