What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
