Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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