know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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