he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
