Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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