why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
