It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
