They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
