he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
