Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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