I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
