I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
