Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
