I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
