I showed him my bush... on skype.
high people should be assigned attendants
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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