You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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