note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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