eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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