I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
