I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
