i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
