just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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