talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
