Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
