Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
