I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
