I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
