why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
