I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
