I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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