I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
