I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
40s are totally the cure
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
