that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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