i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
