Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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