So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
