Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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