You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
