is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
