but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
